WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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