He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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