this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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