I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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