I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
