it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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