I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
