and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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