Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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