Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
