the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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