My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
