FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
