is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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