We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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