Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
