I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
