Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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