4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
