I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
