i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
