Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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