Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
