Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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