i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize
