I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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