my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
