Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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