eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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