when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
