Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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