I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
