I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
