Only a mothe r could love this liver
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
