He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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