Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
