I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
