ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
