Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
