Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
