There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
