He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
