I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
