You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
