Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
