...so i touched it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
