she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
