You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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