How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
