do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
