Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
