He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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