I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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