i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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