Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
