i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
