I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
