i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
