No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
