Just fell off a train. Bad.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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