I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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