What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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