finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want to make out with him forever
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
