I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
