Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
