I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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