You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
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You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.