just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You pole danced in your parka.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
