I can tuck mytits in my pants
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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