VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
