Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
