it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
