Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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