I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
