Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
