You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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