I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
