i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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