Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
